Butterflied When?
by ACatFiend
Summary: It's not what Grissom decided...it's when.


– SURPRISE – I don't own them – but CBS and etc., do.

Forget WHAT Grissom was talking about, think about WHEN.

Brass left the interrogation room, following Dr. Lurie's attorney.  Grissom leaned back in the chair, his glasses still in his hand.  Having placed himself in Dr. Lurie's position, truthfully, he now could not ignore what he had done... all those years ago.

Dr. Gil Grissom, Entomology and Forensic Science:  Finding the Truth

7:00 p.m. – 9:30 p.m.  Rm 107

The number of students in the seating area was more than usually attended his lectures but Dr. Grissom didn't notice.  He was there to teach, to reach them with the same love of truth that he had had found:  the evidence never lies.  Whether there was one or 100 didn't change that.

Glancing down at his notes, unnecessarily, he adjusted his glasses and addressed the class.  "Crime scene analysis is a dreary, drawn out procedure.  When it comes to analyzing the insect evidence, it can be exacting.  The need to preserve the evidence, living evidence at times, is challenging.  The actual stage of an insect's life, at the time found, can aid in determining certain time lines of the crime; preserving that "stage" in a creature that changes by the hour, well, that can take several venues."

Sara Sidle was sitting in the second to last row.  He was unable to see much of her face but her posture indicated an interest slightly different from most students.  As he continued the lesson, he caught her nodding her head in agreement several times, but she took no notes.  

Reaching a point in his lecture that usually began a debate he was unsurprised to find her involving herself;  for  her to be taking his side, basically understanding his point, now that was exceptional.  

He listened to her husky voice arguing the pros of the position.  Her body language spoke of a determination to present her belief yet willingness to hear others' counterpoints.  He let the discussion continue until she was stymied.  Taking over, he brought out a slide to show the point in contention.  Then, glancing at Sara to see if she was following his conclusion, he flipped to another slide.  This one zoomed in on the section in question; the evidence proving his, and Sara's, conclusion was now irrefutable.

After the lecture, he wasn't surprised to have several of the students speaking with him in spite of the late hour.  When Sara, last, approached him, his only thought was to encourage her willingness, not only to see the evidence but also to accept others' postulations.  Her invitation for coffee left him speechless.  She indicated a 24-hour coffee shop just off campus.  "After all that talking, I'm sure you could use a drink."  He accepted, curious to learn how she had known so much of what he had discussed.  

        ~~~~

Grissom laid his glasses on the table and rubbed his face.  Unable to bring a satisfactory conclusion to this case, of all cases, was not something he would accept calmly for some time.  Recalling the still, pale face against the bathroom floor his mind called back his memories of that first time, in the coffee shop.  

   ~~~~~~~~~~~

Sara teased information out of him, his home city, and last job title, where he had graduated high school, etc.  Being a guest lecturer for three years, he wasn't used to such intense interest from a student.  Her grin, the tilt of her head, her frown as she tried to see the reason for a conclusion he had reached, all remained in his memories so clearly.  

  ~~~~~

Now another face, without expression joined them.  It suddenly reminded him of that last day.  The day he had left the campus.  

~~~~~

He had just been about to get into his car when Sara had run up.  "Hey!"  He straightened up with a smile.  "Well, Miss Sidle, aren't you supposed to be in class?"  "Couldn't let a visiting doctor leave without a good-bye!  Besides, um, …" Sara's face turned slightly pink.  "I was hoping to, uh, well," she fidgeted with her hair and looked down at her feet.  "Actually, Dr. Grissom, I was hoping we might stay in touch.  I realize how busy your job keeps you but perhaps there might be some slow period where… well, who knows, maybe you could come back for a visit… or I could… come and see you."  

Sara's forthrightness had been there from the beginning.  Her attention had been flattering.  However, he had looked at their relationship the night before.  Whatever feelings she might think she had for him, or he could have for her, he knew had made his choice and must stick with it.  The loneliness he lived with had never been more pronounced than last night.  He ruthlessly accepted it.  He knew his decision would not be changed and accepted what that meant and would mean after this moment.  Just as decisively he made himself look into the eyes that had seemed to look straight into his soul, looking for the truth; one he must deny.

"Sara, I've enjoyed our "coffee breaks" more than I can say, but I…" he hesitated, trying to vocalize the different futures their paths were leading, the differences between real life and campus life.  "I'm actually unsure of where I'm headed right now.  I've been on the lecture circuit just long enough to not even have a permanent phone number.  After this summer I'll be out of the country and who knows what else."  His hand went to her cheek and carefully tucked her hair behind her ear.  He ignored the way his fingers tingled when they met her skin.  "I have a feeling that whatever you end up doing, you will do it well.  Don't let anything keep you from that.  Remember what they say, "As long as what you do is something you enjoy, you'll never have to work a day in your life.'"  He had smiled to put them back on a "friends only" footing.

She grimaced, knowing he was putting her off; putting them off.  He saw the realization in her face.  The yearning he felt had to be put in context.  She was too young, for him, for thinking of long-term changes and certainly for a man 15 years older than she.  She had straightened and faced him squarely, "Well, one thing is for sure.  You will be making headlines, Gil Grissom.  And I'll be looking for it until I see it."  

"Well, as long as it's good news and not bad, I hope you're right."  He turned toward his rental and opened the door.  "Take care of yourself, Sara.  I hope whatever career you end up pursuing works out for you."  

Sara had had a slight frown on her face.  The frown had disappeared and her smile shone through.  "You know, Gil, I'm sure they will.  And who knows where we will see each other again."  

            ~~~~~~~~~~~

The sound of money being put into the vending machine cut into his reminisces.  He worked with a dedicated team and yet worked alone.  It was far too late to change that.  He had to accept that.  

He stretched his tight neck muscles and got up from the table not realizing that a different interpretation to his words had had a shocking impact on someone watching.  


End file.
